Around me whirls chaos.
Within me scattered thinking.
If I am pulled in one more direction I will scream.
My breath catches in my throat
My heart is pounding
Anxiety fills me with panic and dread
I feel as if I will implode.
“Focus Wendy”, “Breathe Wendy”.
Deep within the recesses of my mind I hear the voices
Distant at first, barely audible
My brain swirls as they become louder, more insistent
The chaos threatens to overwhelm.
I hold my breath; afraid to let it go, afraid to breathe
Afraid another breath will not arrive
But it does.
Hesitant at first, uncertain, it catches in my throat
Ever so slowly it leaves and with it goes the tiniest bit of fear
I feel my neck and shoulders relax slightly.
My mind, like a predator, sees the movement and tenses
Becomes still, observant, on guard
Waiting to attack at any moment
The breath continues to cautiously arrive and hesitantly leave
The mind gradually backs down
The threat lessons
Slowly, gingerly the anxiety eases
I become the eye of the storm.
I wrote this poem in December, 2012. It placed first in a Poetry Contest hosted by the Spiritual Writer’s Network the following year.
Still breathing am I – Wendy xo
